I work in a totally male-dominated environment, I live in a male-dominated family (even though over the years my father has suffered, only at 40%, the charm of emancipation, and I have to deal with a 91% male-dominated society! , try the flour feel my voice, my rights or my thought has always been difficult, as a woman, as a woman who works .. as a daughter, as everything! my luck today, at 33 years old, is that I realized that I do not want to be quiet! I do not want to be bypassed, I do not want to be treated badly, I do not want to be disrespectful, I do not want to be dominated, I do not want to be controlled! I could go on forever, the one that makes me so angry is, that whatever you do, whatever decision or road you take there will always be someone who will say you are wrong! everything is describable with different episodes, two in particular gave the inspiration for this post, the first inherent in the work, where I am judged because I demand, because I do not believe in false people’s lies, and rather than pretend to stab in the end, I prefer to say things in my face that I think, but this for the so-called tops, the bosses, it’s not good! you have to pretend to be good, then things will be fixed at the end ..which makes me ask, or I’m stupid, or rather than correct people, make them better, the good thing is .. take advantage of what it takes and then throw it! I think I prefer to be directed rather than, but this makes me pass as one who can not do his job, who can not live! Unbelievable!!!
the other case, concerns the friendships, and that is to always believe that people are good and good as I am with them .. but where ?! but when?! my errors go back in practice from the first approaches with the human race outside of the family! 4 years and first year of school, from that year, 1990 to today, I received many of those beating (psychological) that perhaps was better physical ones,there was a period where I created the biggest problems of my life! and adolescence certainly does not help, I always thought I was the wrong one, the friend the wrong girlfriend .. then with the time I analyzed the situations .. and I came to the conclusion that I give too much to anyone who manages to get into my heart! not for this reason, sometimes I dream of being Dave Jones of the pirates of the Caribbean, because I would like to be heartless, and maybe even without a brain .. I gave the soul to those who have always exploited me! and then find myself with a fistful of flies in my hand.I cried and a lot, for those who first brought me to heaven and then beat me on the ground and trampled .. for a while ‘I wondered, for a while’ I also distrusted my shadow, but then came that person who gave me false hopes and I started all over again. but all this talk at the end does not help me and so I still find myself in one of those situations where I am screaming to rant against this person, then I think about the good times, the laughter, the agreement and I shut up and I’m sick, even because the worst thing is being led to apologize for things you do not do, and I’ve done it too many times that now I feel entitled to say no! in the right to keep the face of an idiot child, who unleashes on people and then pretends nothing happened! I feel in law, sometimes to make people feel guilty .. the reality is very far from the fantasy, if one hopes to be able to assert one’s thought, for others without distinction either at work or with friends or even relatives, if you try to assert your right to be yourself, if you try to being loved as you are, you can be quiet that it will never happen so I feel right once again to isolate myself and to be on my own and try with all my strength to change the air.